I try to avoid lying whenever I can. I believe that whole “honesty is the best policy” thing embedded in our heads as children primarily because I got my 🤬 beat for telling “little” lies enough to develop an aversion to lying – or so I thought.
Recently in self-reflection, I was mulling about being authentic and people being authentic with me. When I say mulling, I mean I was basically galloping around on a high horse judging others I deemed “less honest” as if I were “better”.
Then I heard something from Spirit that I’ve heard/received consistently over the past several weeks –
“You must give what you want to receive….you must give what you want to receive.”
Initially I didn’t understand. Then, in another period of self reflection, I recognized my self-deception in the area of friendship. It got me to thinking – in what other ways/areas was I deceiving myself? I took inventory, and damn…
How many times had I told myself something someone did or the way someone treated me was “OK” when it really wasn’t?
How many times had my feelings confirmed emotions of anger, sadness, frustration, helplessness, fear, or otherwise, yet I refuse those feelings and tell myself (and others) “I’m good.”
How many times do I need someone/help, but I allow my ego/pride to say, “no you don’t!”?
How often do I edit the truth with pieces of my lies so I don’t have to deal with reality?
How often do I ignore the truth of a situation because it’s more convenient and comfortable than confronting/exposing the lie?
While demanding truth and authenticity from everyone else, I was excusing said behavior in myself. I prided myself on being honest in my dealings with others, but I was completely laxed when it came to being honest with myself.
I lied to myself about all kinds of things – my feelings, my desires, my dreams, hell I’d even feign happiness when I really wasn’t- just to “keep peace” and please others. I’ve been this way all my life, but it also makes for a miserable existence.
No matter how honest I was with others, it could never make up for all the lies I continued to tell myself. Until I became authentic in EVERY WAY, I’d continue to recieve what I put out.
There are some wounds I figured would never heal. They’ve been there so long, I’d say…maybe I’m permanently scarred. Except it wasn’t that.
In order to heal you’ve first got to recognize you are wounded. If you can’t even admit you have a wound how is anyone going to be able to heal it?
You also need to recognize you need “treatment”; once you recognize, you also must be willing to recieve and endure said “treatment” to see yourself healed.
Some of us have NO PROBLEM identifying our wounds, but we don’t think it needs tending. We act like the wound doesn’t bother us, but the pain within is evident in our emotional responses.
Others know we need treatment, but we refuse to receive it. We recognize the wound needs tending, but we don’t want to deal with the uncomfortable feelings and temporary increase in pain that often show up during the healing procrss. Sadly, we don’t realize our pain persists the more we avoid it.
If only we could all be as real and compassionate with ourselves as we demand others be with us. It is in this authenticity that we will see ourselves healed, whole, and free. It is also the point at which we can begin to attract the things we truly desire.