I dreamt I was at my Aunt Katie Bell’s house…so I felt compelled to write about it….
Dear Aunt Katie Bell,
I dreamt I was at your house last night. I was running through the house looking for you….I could sense your presence….I could smell your famous super pretty perfectly fried boneless skinless chicken breast with that spectacular rice and gravy on the side….I stopped by the fancy “living” and “dining” rooms you wouldn’t allow us to actually “live” or “dine”in because those rooms were for “entertaining guests”….I laughed because I remember how in awe I’d be whenever you’d throw a party…my eyes lingered on the fine China you’d pull out for special events….the time you spent teaching me how to properly set a table, greet & serve guests, plan a menu, and play the perfect hostess.
Because, that you were. To family. To friends. Especially to me. I thought about your class….your grace… your elegance…your charm and strength….I admired the way you commanded respect when you walked in a room. I recalled the way the bankers would scramble to greet you, every time you walked in. I followed you around like a little apprentice, forever in awe of all you did.
My dear Aunt Katie Bell….
It was about that time that I realized you weren’t there…I realized, I was walking through the house in my current form, a 35 year old woman but feeling very much like a little girl. I grew sad, but I felt the urge to move on.
I walked through the kitchen where much time was spent…I laughed as I passed the sink. I remembered the time I accidentally sprayed you with the water sprout and – in reaction- you cursed “Dammit!” and sprayed me back (that was the first time I heard you say anything close to a curse word). Hilarious day.
I chuckled again when I passed the stove, thinking of the time I called myself being fast and told you how I didn’t ASK you to cook for me (because I didn’t want what you’d cooked) and proclaimed how I could just eat a baked potato. In response, you made me eat baked potatoes for EVERY. SINGLE. MEAL. for three days🤨…I never did that again.😂
I moved on towards the dining table where we’d eat when we were together…..you moving between the stove and your chair….your bible open, likely to Psalms…that was your favorite book. I could hear you humming prayers and worship while preparing breakfast and reading the word of God. Every morning, even sick, you read that bible. To you, it was more than a routine…you meditated on the word…you savored it. Man I wish I had your bible….
I remember your favorite prayers….
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”
“May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight oh Lord”
“The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not be in want”
I also remember your personal prayers….for each of us…sometimes late in the middle of the night. I can’t recall all you’d pray, but I know you labored in love and those prayers are still being worked out.
What a woman of faith you were. You didn’t preach your faith, you lived it. I remember when you’d fast and I asked to join you, then I told everyone I was fasting and you chastised me severely and made me end my fast. You said the things of God were not for show and if I only did it to get praise from men, I didn’t need to do it at all.
You used your life to inspire others to faith, instead of using judgment and condemnation to compel through fear. And of all the examples of faith I’ve encountered, it is yours I refer to the most.
“Praise the Lord”
I could hear your voice answering the phone as I sit in your chair. I look out the big window leading out to the backyard. What a beautiful daybreak it is….I can feel the warmth of the sunlight against my skin. The way it pours through the window… it feels as if it is a kiss from God, a gift…from you.
I soak in the silence. I soak in the love. I soak in your presence. I soak in you.
I look toward the room where we’d watch hours of Golden Girls, Designing Women, Murder She Wrote, and Empty Nest. I wish the TV would come on and you’d come from around the corner with a bag of sour cream and onion lays potatoe chips and that Bacon ranch or French onion dip…our favs!
I remember when I was afraid to “come out” to you so I stayed away, then mom told me she’d already told you and you said you didn’t care and God loved me anyway. Then when I came to see you, you didn’t even bring it up! You just did as you always do…love on me with the love of God.
I shift in the chair and close my and begin to cry. I dare not explore anymore…I’ll just sit here and…
then a quote comes to mind that I saw yesterday,
“Don’t cry because it ended, smile because it happened…” (Dr. Suess)
….and I smiled….then I woke up with a face & pillow full of tears.
I dreamt of love, undying.
P.s. any dream interpreters here? I have an idea of what I think it means, but would love additional input.