Human being, you have already been told what is good, what ADONAI demands of you — no more than to act justly, love grace and walk in purity with your God. Micah 6:8 CJB
For all those wondering about the “change in my posts/personality” and/or concerned that I’ve abandoned God, please understand: I have not abandoned God, I’m at a place where I am very tired of religious rhetoric…fake hearts…and this need to appear perfect in my walk/relationship with God. I’m not.
Plus, I was tired of constantly worrying if I did this or that what would “they” think? I was tired of trying to show thyself perfect all for the approval of man.
Some people seem perfect in their Spiritual Walks, but their hearts aren’t genuine. Others, who are quickly condemned because they don’t fit into the traditional Christian mold/image, are often the ones who have true hearts for YHVH.
I’d rather be condemned by man and at peace with YHVH, than be accepted by man and at war with my soul.
If I’m going to help people, specifically spiritually, I’m going to be authentic in my ministry.
I’m not going to act as if I’m perfect in my walk -I’m not.
I’m not going to act as if I don’t struggle with things – I do.
I’m not going to act like some days I don’t question my own faith, God, God’s ways, plans, or even what I’ve been taught – I do. Something as important as your faith SHOULD be investigated and questioned- thoroughly!
I believe in authentic ministry.
That’s not to say I don’t strive for perfection – I do. I just no longer spend my days worrying if I do XYZ what will “they” think? What will “they” say? How will “they” feel?
As if “they” are the Alpha and Omega – they’re NOT.
It doesn’t matter how others judge my walk or my efforts to minister to the lost/broken/overlooked. No, my ways aren’t traditional. My purpose isn’t to pick apart someone’s soul and/or nitpick over which behaviors I believe will bring them closer/move them further from God. That’s Spirit’s (God) job…..and I trust that Spirit knows much more than I ever will about how to properly heal, help, and grow others in their spiritual walk.
I said all that to say – yes, you’ve seen a change. But, it’s not because I’ve forsaken God or gone over to the “dark side“, it’s because I decided to stop trying to be perfect in front of people. I spent many years playing “perfect” for the church, and none of them noticed my heart wasn’t in it. Yet, when I became serious about God the “church folk” refused to accept me because I didn’t look like their idea of godliness.
As a child, the church taught me a lot of wonderful things; but they also instilled a number of prejudices, judgements, and a form of self-righteous arrogance which stems from a lack of humility within the church. Let’s face it, there’s NO humility in someone condemning another person because they don’t conform to your beliefs; you’ve got to be pretty self-righteous to do something like that.
I’d rather be the tax collector than the egotistical Pharisee in Luke 18:9-14. I am who I am. With or without your approval.
- I may enjoy a cocktail or two.
- My favorite music is not worship music..
- I often say words like “damn”, “hell”, “@$$” and sometimes 💩.
- Most of my favorite tv shows, books, and movies don’t always feature godly themes.
- Sometimes I laugh at inappropriate jokes – before I even mean too.
- Some days I’m mean and I often think mean things – I may not say them, but as Christ said “what a man thinks so is he”.
- I sometimes lust after things I don’t have.
- I sometimes write about sex, desire, lust – and it’s not always from a “godly” perspective.
- I can be greedy, ungrateful, self-righteous, judgmental, impatient, and a host of other qualities that aren’t becoming of a lady of God.
- I have a difficult time forgiving people when I’ve been hurt – but I hide it well.
- I get upset with God.
- I ask God a lot of questions about things in the Bible, the church, and this world that simply don’t make sense…..
- …and SO MUCH MORE!
The God I know judges me by the qualities of my heart, my actions of love toward my fellow man, and the many things I’ve done (and continue to do) that’s just between me and God. Things that need changing, change; but not by man’s [religious] will or coercion, only by YHVH’s.
I am no longer in the business of conforming for the benefit of man. You want my walk to look like yours, but my LIFE hasn’t looked like yours. You want me to conform to the male/female family that “is of God” when God never placed me in that kind of environment to begin with. You want to use the things of my past to explain away my present life (I.e. She was sexually abused and she didn’t have proper male role models – so that’s why she’s a lesbian), but in the same breath tell me God ALLOWED those things to happen so I could help others – which is it?
Just STOP. I AM who I AM and who God foresaw me to be.
In fact, why don’t we all STOP trying to BE GOD and focus on SERVING GOD by loving people instead of looking for reasons to condemn.
Again, I am not advocating we live sloppy lives filled with excessive sin. I’m confessing that I am fully aware of the many, many flaws in my walk (in all of our walks). Instead of hiding them, I choose to acknowledge them with the hope of helping others by being authentic in my own walk.
I believe you can reach more people if they see you’re imperfect. People are less likely to put on a front when they realize you’re not consumed with their shortcomings. It is hard to minister to people who think you’re so perfect (because of the image you present), that they are afraid you’ll judge them if they’re honest about their spiritual struggles.
My walk will be authentic. You will see the GOOD, THE BAD, THE OK, AND (SOMETIMES) THE UGLY. You will see days where my faith is shaken and I wonder if there’s even a point…
But, you’ll ALSO see a heart for God in spite of it all – and that’s what I think faith is….loving and trusting God despite everything (and sometimes everyone) around you telling you you’re not “good”, “holy”, or “conformed” enough.
None of the people Yehoshua chose were.
Luke 18:13- 14 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”