People love to make up colorful stories about my life.
I’m going to start collecting these stories.
And bind them in a book so I can remember all I’ve [allegedly] done.
These people are ‘experts’ who’ve devoted THEIR entire lives to studying lil’ ole me!
They pass my history from generation to generation.
They talk about me with their friends.
They think of me in their thoughts.
They whisper outside of my presence;
behind my back.
Always unconcerned with the truth.
We certainly wouldn’t want to taint their PERCEPTION
of MY life
with the REALITY
of MY life!
I understand and respect this.
Much better to keep the harm out of truths way, right? (Yes, you read that right).
I must seek these people who know me so well so I can learn all about myself.
I have a TON of questions!
I really appreciate these experts
And all they do to preserve and my life stories,
even if they tend to exaggerate – excessively.
I absolutely adore all the energy and effort put into little old unimportant ME.
They MUST be rewarded and publicly acknowledged for their service!
I shall seek them.
I shall find them.
I shall thank them.
Their slander has done much to amuse me!