I choose to love people – NO, I mean REALLY love people. Not this passive, sometimey, depends on my mood stuff the world does.

For the past six or so months, it’s like I’ve been on this merry go round of testing when it comes to really loving people. No, I’m not talking about “loving” people in such a way that I talk about them behind their backs, have attitudes with them in my private thoughts, or love them from a distance while doing little stuff to try to make their lives difficult (while praying/waiting for their demise – yes that’s been me) – but really LOVING people as Christ called us to love them. 

This means, loving someone when I feel slighted, talked about, done wrong, used, abused, rejected, sometimes loving people who I didn’t have a reason to be upset with I just was and couldn’t tell you why to this day —– and, might I add, loving people enough to recognize my imperfections/flaws so that I am able to look at situations and admit the wrongs I’ve also done. This even means loving people when they clearly don’t return that love – why? Because this is how God loves us. For a long time I fought against this, feeling justified in my feelings and emotions towards others (sometimes my feelings were justified/but most times they were not because I do the same things (if not more so) they did to piss me off – and I’ve probably done it to them). 

But today…I am grateful for God to reveal this to me. How ugly it is. How disgusting it is. How bad it looks to the outside world when you profess to walk after Christ but treat your fellow man – even your fellow “Christians” with everything but love. How can I profess Christ and then run around treating others this way? How in the heck am I supposed to minister to others and change lives when I am treating people like crap simply because I feel validated (and you don’t have to go around telling people off to treat people like crap – we know when we’re throwing shade vs when we’re not, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves). I’ve been no better than people who reject Christ when I act like this. Thank God for His grace and growth. 

I’ve been praying for more compassion on people – especially those who harm me (with wisdom of course) and for a while I thought I was just the girl that wasn’t that type – but now, the more I invest in God, the more open I am to hearing from Him about His purpose for my life and our relationship together (instead of focusing on others); the more I learn about what really matters vs. what’s just a distraction to keep me in bondage to negative thinking and strife among those around me. I was angry with God for constantly allowing me to enter into situations where I had to deal with difficult people – even “threatening” to cut people off so I wouldn’t have to deal with this (as if I was hurting God or people – in reality, no one cared, the world kept moving) but now I see, it takes more courage, strength, honor and faith to love people who, like myself, hurt people – than it does to cut people off or react with anger, strife, bitterness, coldness – etc. I realize, when it comes to loving others, I am not better than my fellow brother and sister – it is a daily choice and I want to make the choice to do better and really love as Christ has called. 

I’m FINALLY getting the lesson and I am grateful that God has been so patient with me on this matter. I’m not saying I’m perfect in it yet – but I am growing and doing a lot better. At some point in life you just have to grow up and realize people are going to be people – and you can either hate everyone around you that does the slightest thing to piss you off or you can remember your own sin and shortcomings towards others and choose to love and forgive. Since I’ve made the decision to start doing the latter – I’ve experienced much more joy in my life and it really does feel like a burden has been lifted. I pray those struggling with this also experience the same. Selah

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